Post palace of illusions
It was always Karna and Bheeshma though who mesmerized me. Strangely I find Bheeshma Dumbledore-ish. Also the other way round. I think liking for Bheeshma increased many folds because Mukesh Khanna portrayed him so well. And I was always a fan of BR Chopra's epic that the Sagar's over-dramatic version of Ramayan.
When I read Shivaji Sawant’s Mrutyunjaya some time at the age of 14-15, I was instantly connected to Kunti. Her character eluded me. With a powerful boon like hers, I would always think how tough it would have been. But the one thing the book did to my mind was give Karna an irreplaceable place in my heart. You can call it instant teenage fixation for a tragic hero (Andrew Manson, Macbeth, rick blaine, jai later on). May be this is how strangely destiny fulfills itself. (Karna was cursed to be not remembered for his valor but later got counter cursed wherein he would be revered for his greatness). When I would read the book again during engineering, I would just feel helpless at Karna’s unfair treatment. While reading difficulty of being good, which was thoroughly philosophical I experienced the same during the chapter on Karna.
Thus Mahabharata is something that has found its way to me. Through TV, books or otherwise.
So when I took Palace of Illusions for reading, the first thing I realized was how little I knew about Panchaali. Rather how little I cared to know, except she was this lucky female who got to marry 5 men. As a teenager that almost felt rebellious to me, with a ‘polygamous women must be really strong in a patriarchic society’ feeling. Of course I left it at that.
Also I don’t know if I can call myself a feminist although I believe in being myself and everyone’s right for being so. Man or woman. So the book in a way did open my eyes. To a perspective of a woman who came into the world somewhat unwanted, caused a great war, suffered a lot and in turn fulfilled her destiny. That also made me wonder, Panchaali in a way was lucky, she knew she was born to change history and she believed in it to her heart’s core. How many of us can believe in destiny so strongly ?
And her such starkly gray portrayal. Even as a narrator and protagonist, how many can manage to keep that objective view about oneself ? Of course I talk as if Panchaali told me the story herself. The book felt that way. And a really good book can make you feel that way.
At this point, I am terribly missing sharing this experience with KT. She is the strongest questioning feminist I know. And this book would have ensured a great philosophical talk/debate with her. :)
P.S. You might think why I used Panchali instead of Draupadi. The book will explain better. :)