My profound moment of growing up - II
Pre-script: Loooooong wordy post!
The thing with some memories is once your mind enters their time zone, you have to write stuff down. Last night with an unwarranted power cut and trying to sleep to wake up earlier than usual, I went off to lala land. I was 14 then. Memories were spawning one after the another. And here I am giving them words.
I was in 9th standard and was selected as part of a students' group who would work as writers for blind students for their board (10th standard) exams. For us to take this assignment seriously, we were asked to engage in one on one sessions with our respective collaborators and listen. The girl I was supposed to write for told me a lot about herself, from where she was, her family, and how she wanted to become a teacher on growing up. Some habits are age proof. I was as awkward talking about myself freely, as I am now. (If I know you from previous meetings, the case would have reversed, with me going jabber-jabber). So apart from the fact that we both wanted to grow up to become teachers, I was happy in my teenagey ways that I did not make it any more uncomfortable. For her or myself.
As the exams approached, I felt a huge weight of responsibility. I was not a precocious (I am so proud of this :P) kid, but I had a habit of taking everything in school uber-seriously. From day one I tried to be a good listener. We progressed from the languages to the sciences smoothly. For every exam I would patiently listen to her and write the answers in the most legit handwriting, without hurrying. During our informal training sessions we were told that sometimes we would need to complete some sentences (answers) on our own. In short we were allowed to transcribe some parts which we judged as incoherent. So I was pretty happy that I was able to do that for her on a daily basis, in sync. We had developed good chemistry. And thus came the last exam, Geography. Well last for me, as some other 6th standard student was supposed to write the mathematics exam.
So during one long answer question, her mind suddenly went blank. She started panicking. I tried to reassure her, telling her that we would come back to that question later, after finishing other parts. The good thing was we used to get 30 minutes extra than other exam takers, as the listening-then writing down process was a bit tedious. So she somehow managed to answer the rest of the questions. But she had lost her confidence. The answers were not as good as she was capable of. Anyway we carried on. So when I came back to that question, she was still blank. She was in such panic now, that she started crying. Once her bout of crying was done she asked me if I would copy the answer from the coursebook she had with her.
Now here's the thing about cheating and my stance on it as a 14 year old. Even though I was a teacher's pet and all that, I had a slight rebel streak and had helped my friends during school exams by showing them answers. I don't judge myself for that. I know it must have felt thrilling. To whisper in the presence of an invigilator.
So when she asked me to copy an answer, just one answer, I went into this huge dilemma. I thought over it so much in a self righteous manner, that time got over and I had to return the answer sheet. Of course, I lied to her telling that I had written the answer. In short a typical CnH moment like this one ->
The thing with some memories is once your mind enters their time zone, you have to write stuff down. Last night with an unwarranted power cut and trying to sleep to wake up earlier than usual, I went off to lala land. I was 14 then. Memories were spawning one after the another. And here I am giving them words.
I was in 9th standard and was selected as part of a students' group who would work as writers for blind students for their board (10th standard) exams. For us to take this assignment seriously, we were asked to engage in one on one sessions with our respective collaborators and listen. The girl I was supposed to write for told me a lot about herself, from where she was, her family, and how she wanted to become a teacher on growing up. Some habits are age proof. I was as awkward talking about myself freely, as I am now. (If I know you from previous meetings, the case would have reversed, with me going jabber-jabber). So apart from the fact that we both wanted to grow up to become teachers, I was happy in my teenagey ways that I did not make it any more uncomfortable. For her or myself.
As the exams approached, I felt a huge weight of responsibility. I was not a precocious (I am so proud of this :P) kid, but I had a habit of taking everything in school uber-seriously. From day one I tried to be a good listener. We progressed from the languages to the sciences smoothly. For every exam I would patiently listen to her and write the answers in the most legit handwriting, without hurrying. During our informal training sessions we were told that sometimes we would need to complete some sentences (answers) on our own. In short we were allowed to transcribe some parts which we judged as incoherent. So I was pretty happy that I was able to do that for her on a daily basis, in sync. We had developed good chemistry. And thus came the last exam, Geography. Well last for me, as some other 6th standard student was supposed to write the mathematics exam.
So during one long answer question, her mind suddenly went blank. She started panicking. I tried to reassure her, telling her that we would come back to that question later, after finishing other parts. The good thing was we used to get 30 minutes extra than other exam takers, as the listening-then writing down process was a bit tedious. So she somehow managed to answer the rest of the questions. But she had lost her confidence. The answers were not as good as she was capable of. Anyway we carried on. So when I came back to that question, she was still blank. She was in such panic now, that she started crying. Once her bout of crying was done she asked me if I would copy the answer from the coursebook she had with her.
Now here's the thing about cheating and my stance on it as a 14 year old. Even though I was a teacher's pet and all that, I had a slight rebel streak and had helped my friends during school exams by showing them answers. I don't judge myself for that. I know it must have felt thrilling. To whisper in the presence of an invigilator.
So when she asked me to copy an answer, just one answer, I went into this huge dilemma. I thought over it so much in a self righteous manner, that time got over and I had to return the answer sheet. Of course, I lied to her telling that I had written the answer. In short a typical CnH moment like this one ->
After that incident I got busy with my own exams and school routine. Living with the morbid fear of having screwed up her exams and possibly ruining her chance for good education, subconsciously (yes! I was a drama queen at the age of 14!).
After a dreaded wait for 4 months, I came to know when my school reopened that everyone we wrote exams for had passed and the girl I wrote exams for had got 68%. No one's life screwed. HUGEST SIGH OF RELIEF EVER.
Last night when I was reminiscing this in my head, I realized how such moral issues were the core of my existence when I was 14. Felt amusing. Specially when I judged my 14 year old self for her overtly righteous behavior. Also feels peaceful to finally have penned this down.
~nightflier