A lesson in nuance

As someone ridden with privilege, I have secretly taken pride in my ability to see a wrong. On occasions even point it out.

A couple of years ago, my cook had proudly announced that her daughter was getting married. At an age which was seemingly unfair. Out of severe disappointment, I had not said much then, except grumbling about her education and dreams. Cook then went on to educate me about how this was a norm where she came from. 'But didi it's for her good only na?'

The cook has not been well lately. Might be age, also the labor and strain of so much physical work, done over so many years. We were chatting about her recovery and how she needed more rest, when she became emotional. Started talking about how she had an abusive, drunkard father which drove her to start working at the age of ten. She was married off by thirteen. Since then, she had never looked back at a life without work. She then went on to mention that she had decided to not marry her children so young. She was even proud that she could stall her daughter's wedding for as long as she could.

I was stunned. The incident from a couple of years ago flashed in my head. Now I understood what an achievement (a 25% improvement if I had to quantify it) it must have felt to not get her daughter married at 13. In my righteous naivety, I had assumed that I knew better. Without ever wanting to understand where she was coming from. And that to me remains a lesson I hope to keep on learning every day.

On a lighter note, the thought of mentioning my age to her crossed my mind. Then I thought I should save her the disappointment :-)