Thoughts after 7 days in the mountains

• I am struggling for words. Not the written kind. But after being silent, for most of the time in the past 10 days, my brain seems to have given up on talking. I have listened so much in the 7 days in the mountains, I hope I am able to carry that silence and calm through me, with me as life moves forward.

• Getting on a flight after the past 1.5 years felt unreal. From the logistics required to plan the trip to the plane landing in Srinagar, I was so apprehensive. My apprehension stayed with me till I reached the base camp and met the rest of the trek group. As we moved away from our urban lives, deep into the wilderness, apprehension shed its layers. I dont know when my fear of the unknown became fascination for it and the world. It must have been some time in my late teens when I left home to study in a different city.

• Also, I felt extremely guilty for planning and going on this trek. Specially after the past 1.5 years. I am acknowledging it here because I want to remember how suffocated and uneasy all of us have felt. Many folks have suffered much more than me. But this was the only thing I could do for self-care post vaccination (I was fully vaccinated by Aug 1st week) with all the other constraints.

• The real Kashmir, the one we got to experience cannot be described in words. I'll try. Raw, unending, expansive, immersive, at times harsh, mystical, magical. A part of me will always cherish and remember these times. It will be my trumspringa.

• I am so grateful that I get to do what I get to do. This in turn exposes me to interesting people and their rich lives. I was part of a great team aged 70 yo to 22 yo and believe me it was an incredible experience. We were at our raw and vulnerable best during these 7 days. I could not have found any better team to do this trek with.

• We did a fun team exercise at 13,000 ft. We cooked food (menu of dal, rice, subji and chapatis) for the support staff and the entire trek team - a total of 30 people. Owing to the great bunch of people, we organically got divided into various teams. No points for guessing, I was part of the roti making team 'dough-nut'. Dream job! I love making rotis (bread of any kind) so this felt like a cake walk. Of course the flour (aata) kneading and rolling out 'em chapatis and roasting them on the stove in torch light was the exciting and fun part. But we did it! S, P and I made 80 chapatis in 1.5 hours. P also made 2 lachcha parathas for the cooking staff as a treat :D

• And now for the most wonderful part of the trip! Life works in its own magical ways and magic always finds you at unexpected places. Couple of years ago I had read and loved a debut novel 'The Far field' by Madhuri Vijay. Madhuri's father and brother were in my trek group. At no point did any one of them talk or brag about the book or how they were related to her (I hope the world could be more like them). But I am Sherlock Holmes ki चेली so I pieced it together from the anecdotes (also took me a couple of days to connect the dots and gather the courage to ask them, blame it on the high altitude and thin air, ok?). I can still picture the delight on Vijay's face when I told him I had read and loved his daughter's book. We discussed her book and life at 13000 ft. Both of them also encouraged me to write to her. As a books person I dont think I could have asked for more. I am still pinching myself and cannot stop grinning!

• Our trek leader was a 22 yo person. It felt so liberating to trust a young person with everything. From the route to our safety. And he did this job like a veteran. Someone wise has said 'when you see someone doing their job well, you should let them be'. I am glad I could do that.

• When we reached the summit our young trek lead made us stop and close our eyes and gather our thoughts. So it was obvious when I opened them that I started crying. So so grateful for this life and this body that I get to do what I like.

• Because overall I lucked out on company, the rest day after returning to Srinagar was spent in exploring the old Srinagar city market on foot. A and I went to Bohri Kadal and Zaina Kadal, the copper market lanes. Also visited the (only?) surviving rose water distillery - Aziz Ahmed Kozgar! Got rose water for 40 Rs. a liter! (Forrest essentials is cheating us with the over the top expensive rose water perfume hmmppf). The uncle in the shop has been running this for years and was kind enough to let us take pictures of the insides. Also, it will transport you to another world (maybe potions class in HP). I also loved the lesser known Khanqah-e-Moula mosque walking distance from this shop. Everyone there was nice and talkative. We also went to couple of bookstores - Gulshan bookstore and Books and Bricks cafe. The former was too lovely and the latter more modern and hip. Visit all these places, ok?

• A part of me was dreading merging into civilization after the dream-like 7 days. Our car entered civilization but the mobile networks weren't functioning. That's when we got to know that cos of a political death internet in the entire region was shut down. I was relieved. It struck me how oppressive this is when I was trying to pay for things. None of the local businesses were able to do regular business cos of this. IDK much about security threats to the country's peace but as an urban, privileged person working in technology, I know that shutting down internet cannot be the norm. Ugh am still so angry. None of the local shopkeepers we ended up chatting with were happy about this.