Life is often funny. For most of my 2 years in the US, I craved to be surrounded by friends (more) and family (occasionally). Everyone amongst them being supportive of me and my decisions, really stood by me. But you know how it is. Things do fade out as time goes on. Specially once the hard realization that one needs to make a life for oneself where one resides dawns, one eventually starts drifting apart. The people in the outermost orbits start moving away first. Number of people with whom you can actually chat (without the usual ‘wassup’ ‘doing great’ fakeness) starts diminishing day by day (I still go on gtalk just to chat with this one particular friend). And thanks for the energy and time you put in, some timeless bonds never fade/break away. So with all these not-so-happy realizations, when I had finally moved to the state of acceptance to really make a good life for myself in US, all the instabilities beckoned.
First losing the job, then dwindling finances, where to live after the lease gets over, maintaining status, whether to do some work which I don’t want to do – at that time the list was overwhelming. Every night I slept thinking tomorrow I would have answers for at least one of these. (thankfully nothing of that sort happened). The most I dreaded was not having my own place to live. Even though I shared my flat with someone, I called it home. I liked the idea that I had set that place up, according to my taste. I hated the idea of selling my table, chair, bike, giving away small sweet nothings I had acquired over time, to part ways with my books and my mini library. Aren’t these small little things that really bind you to a place and call it a home ? Maybe for some its the people who make a place like home. For me its more about having one’s own space.
I cringed at the thought of being homeless. Nonetheless, my friends were kind enough to let me live with them, after my lease got over and until I arrived at a decision. Thus I spent 1.5 months in Dallas, few days with my ex-roommate, and some more with friends/acquaintances. I am not belittling them, but I have always craved for my space. I think almost 2 years living on your own does that to you.
I think now I have lived through my another worst fear. I know how it feels like not having one’s own space, a place to call home. This is the only way I can overcome the inertia and get some motivation to venture out again and do something worthwhile (but not just sit and write silly blog posts). The sense of adventure needs to be awakened. Got any more triggers ?
~nightflier
8 responses to “Nothing much to say…”
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@mansi: and don't we have blogs to get all that negativity out ? 🙂
@calvin: but I like the having of idea of home..a place to get back to at the end of any day..
@tanvii: yup. that's why its kinda tough to. though I am learning to make it a game to keep myself going 😉
@nishant: Agree. But we need to rest too once in a while, I guess..to get a perspective 😀 -
Make no mistake, moving is living – Up In The Air! 🙂
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I think everything I wanted to say, Neha said it! Motivation is within … No one can motivate [me at least] after a certain point. Have to find your drive! Good Luck with the new adventures.
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Not having my own place was scary for me as well a couple of years back. But over time I have learnt to move around – and I have no special attachment to anything in my house apart from my Laptop and Phone. Rest everything is just for filling the space.
May be, its because I haven't settled at a single place for more than a couple of years in the past 7-8 years. But, the mobility really helps – you do not worry about your home at all.
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Well,girl,don't we all have our share of trials and tribulations to face?I guess that is life…
Also, neha's "blue" post helped me too..thanks,neha! -
@pushkar : thanks but no thanks 😛
@neha : motivation has been really finicky lately. Your post helped. Specially the last line! 🙂 -
aw, cmon! the posts are not silly!! 🙂
I had a phase 2 years back when i was feeling utterly de-motivated.. (i think i had done a post on it too :D)
http://neha-pol.blogspot.com/2007/02/blues.htmlHope it will motivate you a little bit.
But I have figured that in the long run, looking for motivation outside your own "self" does not help much. You have to "somehow" find motivation in your own 'self'.
Good luck on the new adventure. I am sure you will do well:)
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Go for it! Getting motivated is the best thing you could ask for!
Just make your mann accept a place as home. It need not have to be full of "your" things. Remember the "heart – home" duo!But referring to it as "your home"? Too much! Why'd you do that? Wonder how it would help anybody's cause. You might want to re-think on that one. In fact, you should stop it altogether. "C&D" at once!!
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